Relationship coaching uses life coaching tools and resources to work on either creating a new relationship, improving existing relationships, or resolving serious rifts in long-term relationships.
You will know if you need help with relationships if you find that you are feeling defensive or feeling unhappy or dealing with relationship conflict or noticing anything else that doesnt feel quite right.
If a partner is unfaithful, it can be very painful and distressing mentally and emotionally; it rocks our world, it questions trust in other people, and trust in ourselves. We can allow it to pull us down into the mire or we can learn the lessons and become stronger and move forward with our lives.
Focus on yourself, on your needs, and take care of you. Find a resource where you can safely and confidentially talk through your anger and at the same time, work with someone that can help you find ways to let it go and move on. Holding onto anger will only ruin your life, therefore recognise that processing anger and letting it go will give you choices to create a new life with someone that you choose to be with.
If you can work with someone who can help you see through the initial hurt, pain and pinch on your pride, moving forward will be a combination of recognising truths about what was not working in the relationship, and what you can change in yourself to create an honest, mutual and loving relationship in the future.
Think about what has brought you to a point in your current relationship that you are cheating on your partner; if the partnership is no longer fulfilling then is time to move on and allow both you and your partner the freedom and choice to start afresh. If there is a need to cheat and no desire to change the status quo, are you acting from fear and insecurity and it may be wise to think about where will this lead to if you do not make a choice to address it as soon as possible.
Where there is inequality between two people, a lack of respect and often manipulation by one of the other; where what you think is love, is a neediness to be loved.
In a healthy relationship you will find elements of the following: each partner can be themselves, there is a good foundation of a friendship, there is respect, acceptance and clear boundaries; whereas, if there is a need to control, where manipulation and guilt are used to get something from the other, where there is anger, fear or deception, these are signs of an unhealthy relationship.
Where one person is controlling another in one of many possible ways: either by speaking to them in a way that puts them down, makes them feel small, or using finance to control their choices and movements, or emotionally causing them to feel guilty, threatening them, or physically hurting them, or sexually forcing them to do things they do not want to do.
When you feel humiliated, or put down, or your opinion is ignored, you may be treated like a child, told off, or controlled by being told what to do, you are belittled, you are blamed, your feelings are not cared about and there is no compassion towards you. Overall your self-confidence is very low, you feel frightened and helpless.
It is essential that you seek out the best possible resources for you to address issues of low self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence to ensure that this does not happen again. And by rebuilding yourself and valuing yourself you will find that you can change the way your life moves forward and manage any trauma that exists from the past.
When we have expectations and believe that our partner is meant to fulfil them, and when we think and behave differently from our partner and find this difficult to accept, this can often be the start of a downward cycle leading to conflict in relationships.
A choice people make if they wish the relationship to last, by looking at ways to be more accepting, to let go of small irrelevant matters, to be more patient and to focus on those things you do both love to share and do together. When focus is on conflict issues there will be more conflict, when focus is on harmonious areas there will be more harmony you can make the choice.
If there is absolutely nothing you agree on, then you could ask yourself what keeps you with this partner, what do you enjoy about spending time with this person, in what way does this person enhance your life, bring a ray of sunshine to your day? There are times when we do not agree with our partner, and that is normal, since we are each unique individuals and yet when you can’t agree on anything, it would be wise to ask the question: what is this relationship about?
The more we love, respect and accept ourselves, the less there is a need for being defensive in a relationship; if this is an area that you recognise as a problem for you, by investing time and resources to change this you can improve relationships in all aspects of your life.
To create a successful and mutually loving relationship, it is wise to recognise any inclination towards co-dependency and make the choice to do something to change this, possibly by acknowledging your own self-worth, loving time with yourself, and finding ways to fulfil your own needs, without needing it from others. When you are in this place, where you are no longer co-dependent, when you receive love, respect and caring from you partner you do so from a healthy place where you can enjoy receiving rather than needing it in order to feel good.
Also known as a form of addiction to relationships, it is where one person in a partnership experiences an excessive emotional or psychological dependence on the other.
Those who find that they pick needy partners, if they take the time to look into themselves, will find that it tends to indicate an unresolved matter in themselves; it is natural that we attract others who reflect those issues in ourselves that we cannot see and avoid dealing with. By addressing your own neediness you are less likely to be drawn to needy partners in the future.
As with all things we wish to change, it is imperative that we first recognise that we are being co-dependent and then we can use a variety of resources to change this. Building yourself up in these areas will be a starting point to stop being co-dependent: self-esteem, responsibility for decisions and actions, doing activities for oneself, saying no and recognising that rejection is not personal.
Love addiction is where there is an intense, almost desperate need for love. As with all addictions, this comes from an inner unhealthy place and only by working through the underlying issues that cause this love addiction can a person learn what they need, and move on with their life.
Attachment issues occur in adults and are usually linked to the quality of a relationship when they were a child with whoever was their primary caregiver; the stronger their sense of security in childhood, the more secure they tend to feel and be secure in relationships as adults.
Where we avoid creating a close relationship with another; we may feel threatened or vulnerable by letting down defences, being our true selves, trusting another person and allowing them to get close. Fear of intimacy is also a form of anxiety disorder.
Usually arises when we fear rejection, when we dont hear what we want to from our partner, when we perceive we are uncared for; even if none of these are true or real, it is our perception of the situation we are in that causes a sense of neediness and insecurity. For a partnership to work, in the long-term, it is important to know how to stop being needy and insecure in a relationship.
This can be related to fears relating to past experience or can be part of your nature to enjoy a level of freedom and choice that means that you prefer not to be in a relationship where the other person would like commitment.
Although anxiety disorder in children is more acknowledged, adults do suffer from separation anxiety disorder, which can be psychologically debilitating. This shows up most when adults shy away from or react adversely to the idea of being alone or doing something alone, or being away from the person they are attached to, or fear of losing the person they are most attached to, this could be a spouse, sibling or a very close friend.
If you are committed to saving your marriage you are more likely to make it happen, to make the effort, to put in the work and find ways to make it a success. Notice where you have options to avoid your marriage, such as focusing on other areas such as work, your own interests, the children, or social media; these can be escapisms if you want them to be. Revisit your communication style, and avoid blame by taking responsibility for your emotions and responses to situations. Take the time to listen, to understand your partner, to recognise from afresh your love and appreciation of the person you have chosen to be with.
Beyond the initial response of attraction and having fun together, there are a number of fundamental considerations for choosing the right partner. Take your time to see if you have moments where you just get a bit annoyed with how your partner behaves, speaks or responds to situations, which could be quite fleeting, or notice if your inner reaction is much stronger, if you grit your teeth, feel worked up or agitated. Intuitively, we tend to know if someone feels right for us, and yet we often do not listen to ourselves to our own inner gut response to this, and regret our decision later down the line. Do be honest with yourself and take your time and see if you share values, feel equal intellectually, have some interests in common, respect each other, are truly interested in each other, make the other laugh, and enhance each other in one or many ways by being together.
When we worry about what we are doing, when we think there is a right and wrong way to be, sexually, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves; this pressure can cause stress and anxiety and the less relaxed we feel the less likely we can perform at anything we are doing, including sexually. Since arousal and emotions are interlinked, dealing with sexual performance anxiety is important to be able to enjoy intimacy with your partner. Overcoming sexual anxiety is linked to our thoughts, our demands on ourselves, and being able to communicate with confidence.
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